My New Year's Wish.

I don't know what my plans are yet for New Year's Eve, and I don't really care since it is so often filled with the pressure to have fun due to some weird collective magical thinking about the night's implications for the coming year. My happiest New Year's Eves (was that the right way to say it? It looks funny) were spent in my own damn house. There is one thing that I really want though, and it's GOING TO HAPPEN next year — if not after midnight on 1/1/11 then on some other night. Its something that's been a dream of mine for so many years, gone unfulfilled. And here it is:

Can someone pleeease toast with me so hard that our glasses shatter? In my long-running fantasy it's been two glass steins. But I realize that between the heft, the mess, and my lack of upper body strength it's just not realistic. It can be two flutes. Two delicate flutes, you guys! How satisfying would it be just put all of the mixed bag that's been 2010 into the force of your toast and just SHATTER that bitch. Here's to us!

My ex-boyfriend was willing to do this once a few years ago, but then he started talking about protective eyewear, and tarps, and I got so overwhelmed with logistics I took the whole thing off the table. But I'm older and more mature now, and I know that there's nothing uncool about safety. Does anyone have those steel wool gloves they use at delis to clean the blade?

There is nothing more tragic than an attainable goal, unfulfilled. Don't make me post a Craigslist ad like that one guy who wanted people to come to his garage and pose on his homemade crucifix, which I didn't want to do but wanted to watch someone do or at least ask the guy some questions? ANYWAY, 2011. Toast smash. Let's do this.